okay
by jade isabelle
Summary: He slips back against the wall of their bathroom. "Kurt," he whispers. WARNING: involves cutting and may be triggering.


**Disclaimer: I do not own Glee.**

**Warning: This story involves cutting and may be triggering.  
**  
He traces the angry scars that line both of his arms. Blood rushes down his left wrist and drips down from his hand and into the sink.

He stares as the water from the faucet as it mixes with his own blood and turns red.

He feels himself slipping out of consciousness, his eyes closing.

"Kurt!" he calls feebly as his grip on the bathroom counter starts loosening.

He slips back against the wall of their bathroom. "Kurt," he whispers.

...

"What happened?"

He shrugs, looking forward because he can't quite meet his fiancé's gaze.

"It was an accident," he says finally.

Kurt shakes his head and nods towards Blaine's bandaged wrist. "They said I got to you just in time. What were you trying to do, Blaine?"

He shrugs again, shifts uncomfortably in the hospital bed. "I didn't know what to do, okay? I was… reeling."

Kurt sighs, biting his lip. "I thought I lost you."

"I wasn't going to leave you, Kurt. Not on purpose, anyways."

Kurt takes a breath, stares at the white walls of the hospital room. "I saw the other scars, Blaine," and just for a second, their eyes meet, but Blaine looks away quickly.

"My parents think my brother is _perfect_," he starts and Kurt holds his breath.

Blaine starts again. "They think he's perfect. He gets praised for every little thing he does, always has. When I came out to them, my mother sent me to a therapist— _Maybe it'll make you normal, _she said, and Dad wasn't any better."

Kurt lets out his breath slowly; Blaine had never told him any of this.

"He didn't say a word. He left the room, and never said anything about it. He simply ignored it. And maybe that was what hurt me the most. That he didn't say anything, didn't acknowledge it."

Kurt sighs, sits down next to Blaine, and takes his unbandaged hand in his own.

"And when the bullying started, everything felt worse," Blaine continues, "I couldn't… cope with everything going on, and home wasn't exactly the safe place I needed, and the only way I could feel any sort of relief was... was this," he says raising his bandaged wrist.

Kurt shakes his head "You could have told me," he says, stroking Blaine's hand with his thumb.

"No," Blaine replies, smiling sadly. "I couldn't have."

"People would have missed you, you know…. if it had gone too far."

Blaine cringes. ""Kurt, I wasn't trying… to kill myself. I took it a little too far, I realize that, and I need help… I know that, but I wasn't trying to kill myself. I proposed to you because I want to see our future together, and if something had happened to me, I wouldn't have been able to see that happen, would I?"

"I'm sorry, Blaine,"

"Me too. I'm sorry I scared you."

Kurt sighs. He wants to say that it's okay, but it's a lie and they both know it.

"What happens from here?" Blaine asks, voice shaking. "Because I don't know," he says, tears sliding down his cheeks.

"We'll figure it out," Kurt replies, "because, right now, I'm not sure either."

Blaine chuckles under his breath. "Guess we'll have to postpone the wedding… you know, if I'm in rehab or something, right?"

Kurt giggles. "That would imply that we already had a date set, and, last I checked, we didn't."

"That's true," he says, slumping back on the pillows. "Kurt, I just... I'm really sorry about all of this."

"Blaine," he says, "you've been fighting your demons for too long."

Blaine looks away. "It was always so tedious. I've been covering up the scars for… years now. Even the earlier ones were too deep to have disappeared by now."

They're both quiet for a minute, resting in each other's arms.

"It stopped when I met you… for a while anyways," Blaine reveals. "You saved me, Kurt, and for a while, I couldn't have been happier."

He takes a breath. "And I don't blame you— I can't— but when people started saying things, commenting about our being together, I don't know, Kurt. Some of the stuff just rubbed me the wrong way, both positive and negative things… I started cutting again because I didn't know how else to cope with everything," he says breathlessly.

He shakes his head and stares out the window, looking close to tears. "I thought I could get better on my own. For us. I thought I would be able to get better on my own, and I was wrong," he says, his voice breaking.

"Blaine, look at me," Kurt says. "It's going to be okay. _You're_ going to be okay, and it's okay to not be able to do it on your own."

"I don't want you to sympathize for me, Kurt. It's my problem. I've got to deal with it… I know that."

"But it's okay to slip up, to break down if you need to. It's okay to ask for help when you need it. You don't always have to be the strong one."

Blaine nods, tears still streaming down his face. And, for now, Kurt's words are enough.

**Hey guys. Leave a review. I would love to know what you thought.**


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